Anthropomorphic Wine - Three Ladies in Red

A friend of mine says he prefers his red wine "in the style of Jennifer Lopez.” You know, what you see and sniff is what you get. Overtly fruity, smooth and supple, this purple, mouth-watering gem is made for immediate enjoyment. Age this extroverted, grapey quaff in your wine cellar for additional complexity?

Heck no, guzzle it today, and down it with simple food, for it’s as good as it’s ever gonna get. Also, serve it in tumblers or Styrofoam cups, if you like, and nobody will bat an eye. Subtleties and nuances are not part of this hedonistic package of pleasure and long-time Bistro favorite, and cerebral discussions are definitely unnecessary to enjoy its qualities.

"Gimme a ‘Catherine Zeta-Jones Red’ any day,” asserts another friend of mine. Maturity, refinement, and elegance are the hallmarks of this red wine. Reserved, but approachable in the short term, this structured, elegant Cru delivers complex, voluptuous aromas of blackcurrant, cedar and tobacco.

However, as wine enthusiasts know, this world class red needs time and understanding to soften and reveal its long term promises. When the time comes, you must pay attention because the messages are soft, gentle, and nuance-laden. Satisfying throughout its long life, this is a very special wine that requires the right food, the right glass, and the right crowd. Snobby? Some would say so. Ah, but for those who know . . . .

And yet another friend insists that the "Julia Roberts Red” is the only way to go. This pretty woman is outgoing, fragrant, and smooth tasting from the get-go. Frequently described as a "feminine" style of wine, men have been knocked sideways pursuing it elusive charms.

A “sweetie,” but not in a sugary sense, this aromatic beauty offers a nifty middle ground to the two reds mentioned above. Offering more serious flavors, structure, and longevity than J-Lo, it doesn't require Zeta-Jones' long-term commitment before you understand what it's all about. And while it is known for its immediate, soft, Bing cherry appeal, this is not a one night stand. “Julia” is the wine that you will keep going back to week after week, year after year.

Journeyman wine enthusiasts will surely recognize the Three Ladies in Red as Beaujolais, Bordeaux and Pinot Noir. For apprentice wine enthusiasts, this anthropomorphic word play hopefully illustrates when one understands the underlying differences (and similarities) between wines, then that person is on the road to informed and more enjoyable wine appreciation, not to mention possibly viewing movie stars in a completely new light.